420 ftw
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he puts the penis in happiness.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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