Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
