she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
