my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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