well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
