im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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