You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
