you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
