I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
