I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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