I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
