One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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