where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
