Umm I'm too high to move.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
