Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
