some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
