i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
