I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
