One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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