First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
