just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
