38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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