Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
