i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
