ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
