Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
