if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
