what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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