I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
