There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Are my feet made of real feet?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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