Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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