I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
