Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
