I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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