I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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