Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
