Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
