he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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