Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
