i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
