Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
