I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
