i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
