so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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