Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
