I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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