I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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