Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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