Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
