We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
