So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
