I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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