everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
