We're like a lot better than the average bears
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
