we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I puked a lego.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
