u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
