proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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